@imnobody: Good on you for having the strength to move 9000 kms away. Says that you got enough nurturance from her to surrect sufficient self-respect, self-will, to do what you had to do to become independent. My mom had/has all kinds of psychosomatic stuff she tries to use as a tool to manage the rest of us, extend her control OVER us -- a change in tactics, now that adulthood has brought with it a change in terms. It means she feels empowered and in control, but also kind of lonely: it gives birth to passive-aggressive but very real anger, in those that end up tending to her. I saw what was happening, and have none of it. I let her know that, one, I won't be bullied, and two, that the kind of relationship she most wants -- one of real respect, substantial love, is available to her, but only if we interact on wholly different terms than we did during my teen years. It kind of works. This said, I'm moving across the country, possibly in part, because I sense that, like you,...