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Cider-bourbon braised bacon

Get the rings and the bubbly ready, because you're going to officiate the wedding (Ian Knauer, “Cider-bourbon braised bacon,” Salon, 9 December 2009)

So you're pulling a Good Fellas on the poor Wilbur ...

EVIL DUPLICIOUS MAN: "Guess what little piggie! -- we think you're so ring-ding special, we're going to save your hide and anoint you special!!!"

WILBUR: "Squeel! squeel!"

[Evil despicable man leads Wilbur to "ceremony" room]

REPREHENSIBLE, UNEMPATHIC, UNCARING MAN: "Sorry pig, You shouldn't have been born so tasty sweeeeeet . . ."

["Blamo!" -- as voiced by Marisa Tomei, from My Cousin Vinny.]

[Followed by chef-prepared, Wilbur-bourbon; pig-skin wallets for the best men; and a burp, by reprehensible pig-eating thug-man]

-- FIN --

NOTE: You would have to say that a pig WAS very much harmed in the making of this drama, but he got good press, and should prove good to wear.

Next up!: Vegan meat! -- it'll save them from losing their souls to meat from a vat, and us from more of their blather.

[Followed by vegans being ground up, a la Fargo, and a grand feast, catered by the Obama-loyal, grateful to dispense (with) the untrue.]

Link: “Cider-bourbon braised bacon” (Salon)


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