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Alien Whalien Scum

Whale probe checking we still have whales.

An asteroid that visited our Solar System from interstellar space is one of the most elongated celestial bodies known to science.

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Steve Crisp I’ll bet the dolphins told them about the free fish.

Victoria Fisher Whales are like, "Yeah, we're still infected with people. It's been better recently but still horrible. Now they're shouting under the water, and throwing off the entire ecosystem."

Whale probe: "OkaY WE'll CHEeCK baCK In a COUplE HUndrEd YEArs."

Steve Crisp Whales “ Send back up ! “

Whale probe “ Roger that “

Patrick McEvoy-Halston Looks to me more like aliens have finally developed an outersolarsystemal missile that can finally reach Earth. Peaceniks of course are mistaking it as a whale coming to kiss our planet, or some such... come find Spock and mate with Gracie, or some such, but what we need to do is find the source, disable their guidance systems, and render the missile inoperative. Make no mistake: this is war!

Victoria Fisher Is the whale probe peaceful? I mean, it does nearly destroy the Earth when it finds no whales.

Patrick McEvoy-Halston Victoria Fisher And a villain. I mean who cares more for fishes than for human beings?

Victoria Fisher In my scenario, one that regards whales as the sentient being and humans as an invasion.

Steve Crisp I may have colluded with the alien whale army๐Ÿ™

Patrick McEvoy-Halston Victoria Fisher Maybe we could re-educate the whale probe. When it gets here we demonstrate the deficiencies of the whale brain, and illuminate the ignorant alien on great, expansive, all-conquering awesomeness of human beings... especially on the accomplishments of western civ., which in its amazing kindness, has even agreed to elevate water levels so the dumb whales have a little more playing room (as if they didn't have enough!). Unless as rumoured whales created Atlantis, whales don't really have much to show for all their brain power, do they?

Victoria Fisher Patrick McEvoy-Halston Whaliens regard that kind of thinking dangerously imperialistic and obliterate all humans immediately.

Patrick McEvoy-Halston Victoria Fisher I quote the great Batman Ben Affleck, however much he may be implicated in that little thing called the Weinstein scandal, in Superman vs. Batman: That son of a bitch brought the war to us two years ago. Jesus, Alfred, count the dead... thousands of people. What's next? Millions? He has the power to wipe out the entire human race, and if we believe there's even a one percent chance that he is our enemy we have to take it as an absolute certainty... and we have to destroy him.

You have just supplied proof that there is more than a one percent chance an alien rock whale civilization will use its accrued power to destroy Earth, so in real-life anticipation of this eventuality, I declare Earth-war on Whaliens.

Steve Crisp Patrick, excuse me while I , for no reason, take a few steps away from you ๐Ÿณ ๐Ÿš€

Patrick McEvoy-Halston Steve Crisp It's okay; I get that a lot. It's lonely being the only one who won't mistake "whaliens" as a disaster human kind has earned for itself. I'm Gandalf to Victoria's Denethor.

Steve Crisp Patrick, unfortunately, and to put it in Canadian terms, you’re about to be SCTV Farm Report to Victoria’s Great White North.

Steve Crisp I think we’re saying the same thing.

Victoria Fisher Whale probe was not suggested!


Patrick McEvoy-Halston Nor was what I thought obvious: sperm. Alien Whalien sperm come to inseminate our planet Earth, and repopulate it with alien whalien scum. This too follows a well-laid out path from one of the Superman movies, even as Steve will probably call this cuckoo as well.


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