Ensuance from Vegas trip discussion (30 July 2009)
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"They all want me as a friend or as a fuck" (Heather Chandler, "Heathers")
NOTE: Following all taken verbatim from emma's Vegas post and ensuant discussion (link at bottom):
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Vanessa Richmond's most recent (dour) piece at the Tyee is about (or at least mentions) how (your typical) fashion mag's brilliance bullies. Maybe the issue you're dealing with is that your gang of 13 is in some sense "Legally Blonde" (your reveal has made you seem kind of a mix--never quite back to emma peel black for you!), and your effervescence bothers those in shadows? There's a huge bunch of gush at OS, though, that smacks of people on a dopamine thrill ride they cannot afford to let stop. (Mind you, I find it difficult to not be at least a bit performative right now.) There's also a lot of people with stellar personalities, huge souls, that shine bright 'cause life has buoyed them up, not beaten them down.
I recommend watching the popular crowd in "Pretty in Pink," "Legally Blonde," maybe "Sixteen Candles," again (I'm gen x, evidently), and see if there isn't in fact some, as they say, "they all want me as a friend or a fuck" ("Heathers"), in your guys' strut.
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Michael: Wow. What a fuss over nothing. Are we to now be crucified for supporting our friends? As you’ve said several times, Emma, this is not personal. Perhaps “gushing” and “cliquish” were improper to use, and we apologize for that. But understand those words were meant for a friend who felt she was being unfairly attacked for expressing her hurt feelings. No one is saying these types of gatherings shouldn’t happen or be written about. As we said in our comment, “No one begrudges anyone the right to go and have a good time somewhere,” and anyone is free to tell others about their good fortune if they wish. But I cannot. I can’t eat in front of someone who’s hungry, and I can’t celebrate around people who are weeping. This is not a judgment against anybody. I would be a hypocrite if I attempted to bring division to this place. It’s people like DJ, the peecemakers of the world, that we most admire. Melissa and I have never had an unkind word to say about anyone here, nor do we now. (metaness, response to post, “‘Hurt’ and ‘sickened’ by ‘cliquish’ Vegas posts’,” emma peel, 25 July 2009)
re: "What a fuss over nothing. Are we to now be crucified for supporting our friends?"
Michael, likening the lot of commenters here to "fuss-over-nothingers," to inquisitors, may well mean you have in fact had an unkind word to say about some people here, that you in fact have done so here.
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If you expect every kid who knows what it is to be back-of-the-bus, to not enjoy playing at being popular when the opportunity's available, you expect too much, way too absurdly, cruelly much. Given the opportunity, I'd expect them to flaunt about some, in-your-face-like-nobody's place!, at our expense--and good for them. That can be fun. That can be appropriate. That can be a release from the chains of modesty; can be empowering. It may be that none of this was taking place, that what we had here amongst this Ocean's 13 (there were 13 of you, right?) of some of OS's most popular, its celebrities, were people simply concened to meet, greet, enjoy, and love, enthusiastically but no more than due, making them seem very inappropriately suited to the Earth's primary home for vastly more than simply that! But if not, fair enough to be off-put by it, but there may be redemption, there may be good in it.
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none of the vegas meetup posts ever seemed to make editor picks or the front page from what I can tell. so yeah, I can see how ppl can miss it. another indication of a divergence between the "Community" and the Management. (vzn, response to post, “‘Hurt’ and ‘sickened’ . . .”)
Like BBE said, don't feel guilty about having some joy and celebrating that joy. Those who have a problem with it, honestly need to look at their feelings and think: "Why in God's name am I feeling hurt and sickened if some acquaintances on the internet had some fun". Feel that "sickened and hurt feeling" and honestly try to divert your feelings to things that matter, like making joy in your life.
Envy is a terminal heart condition that frankly there is little if any cure for in this life. Envy can eat one up and increase their misery beyond imagination. Until, people who are sickened explore their jealousy, they will not overcome it.
The world will not and cannot create a bubble to prevent people from experiencing envy and all the horrid sickening feelings that it brings on. (Stellaa, response to post, “Hurt’ and ‘sickened’ . . .”)
vzn: Well spotted. Most popular likely means not editor's prefered. The editor likes to talk up the OS crowd, but shows his suspicion of it in prefering pieces with ascetic remove over stuff that draws out/encourages our liveliness and life. Lauerman is about the opposite of Walsh, who unapologetically will gush, gush, gush over puppies! The Las Vegas stuff should have been cover. It's what drew my attention and interest. The good stuff was there.
stellaa: The mode of thinking that spots and condems ENVY is also the mode of thinking that works against ever admitting any untoward INDULGENCE going on here, for it amounts to about an equal sin/crime. If someone wants to ID accusers as envious, then they MUST understand all the goings-on as simple innocent fun, even if this assessment is not fully in accord with the truth, even if it means making what you need to be true the only truth you're ever prone to know.
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Sorry Patrick but I think you're assuming too much. No one on this Vegas trip was 'flaunting' or playing at being popular, or intending anything at anyone's expense (except our own). I wouldn't have a problem with anyone being this wa y, it's just that on this trip no one was.
We piled 5 to a room to keep costs down. I skipped every meal but two, to keep costs down. I did not buy coffee in the morning, to keep costs down. I kept my hotel stay to 2 nights, to keep costs down, and had my return date on Monday instead of Sunday - again, to keep costs down.
I'm completely broke, lending my apartment to an even more broke friend while I cram myself into a closet at my new husband's house. I haven't drawn a salary in two years to that I won't have to lay off my employees. I pay for my business travel out of my own pocket, letting the company accumulate IOUs. I used frequent flyer points to defray the cost of the trip to Vegas.
I know I am not the only one that was economizing to this degree. In such an atmosphere, there is zero 'flaunting' or pretending to be something we're not. Mostly, what we did was hang out together at the pool, at the casino, in the room, talking and sharing stories and laughing. It was an OS gathering but no one talked about OS - we were there, in person, spending the time to get to know one another more deeply.
You don't need money for joy, as Stellaa so aptly points out. Joy is manufactured from within. The only thing we need to be happy is to make the decision to be so. I've been lucky in life and had some big boom times. I had fun then, but not because of money. I knew that then, and I know it now, having very little but experiencing the happiest time in my life. That's due in large part to the 3 years of therapy I chose to invest in - I was harboring some unpleasant habits of feeling and decided it was high time to get rid of them. It was hard, but possible. An interesting side effect - it greatly enabled my writing. (Sandra, response to post, “Hurt’ and ‘sickened’ . . .”)
Well Sandra, I understand that you enjoyed yourself, but I for one truly wish that you could have lived it up even more. It's a meeting of what is apparent to all of us, a very lively, interesting, pronounced and fun group of people. For the joy you treasure, any place might well have served, but since it was las vegas I had hoped you guys had the means to put to play every bit of excess Vegas' gorge and glitter, into a "thousand-miles of (summer) fun."
There may be good point to setting things straight. I think I trust your account, but I do sense in that sacrificed cup of coffee maybe also a quarter or two displaced into the cup of well-regard. There may have been no flaunting; but flaunting can be a form of play--not something to be excused or denied, but appreciated: there very much can be a spirit in the flaunt, in the flash, that I can very much like. It can bespeak not primarily meanness or sinful selfishness, but a kind of therapeutic, rightful insistence on self. Step toward being generous to yourself, to being truly motivated to give aid/love to others. The power of GUSH as an accusation, condemnation, needs some working against. Something I have hoped to offer here.
May you find yourself better situated, sooner rather than later. It's tough to hear of your living in conditions so evidently so very unequal to you.